The yellow brown room

I am sleeping in a bed..perspiring. The room is dimly lit. Everything is looking yellow and morbid.I am having a very strange sensation in my head. I can feel something very heavy and also very light..they look like giant chunks of concrete but little cloudy.I am touching them..grabbing them..holding them at the same time. My eyes are literally sticking to them as if they are the part of my eyes. I can hear their sound as they have a strange sound.I can’t explain it but I can hear the sound..i feel like somebody is shouting at me, those concretes? I don’t know but I can feel that they are rotating and moving, changing shapes.Its like an earth moving through the vacant space. And I can see then the walls are coming to me..the Almira, the mirror, the dim light..everything coming toward me. The space is getting shrunk..the walls are trying to devour me.Some yellow colour is melting mixing with the floor. Oh, so little room for me now..i am perspiring even more..thirsty..my eyes popping out of my head in fear ,in a claustrophobia.This was the first time I had an hallucination or whatever it was.I still remember it vividly,I am shouting out from my bed writhing in pain, ‘they will kill me, they are coming, they are coming..dad, save me please, please dad.My parents were worried..they were trying to calm me down anxiously.Their voice was calm and soothing and it was eerie. The more I heard their voice the more I felt that probably they were also the part of that horrible real dream..as if i was in some strange medical facility where some sinister experience was being conducted on me and the they were the doctors and workers who were trying to calm me down.Their voice made me even more frightened. I never felt any emotional support, i felt they thought I am crazy.Their calm voice sounded ominous..unholy.As if they knew I am just being stupid..silly,I felt so hopeless, weak.How strange the paradox..a child is feeling weak in the hands of his own parents. How much I trusted them emotionally in my real life ? My parents.Probably not too much.I always felt they could not feel me the same way I feel this world.Yet they love me and I love them too.I treasure them. But at the same time I can’t confide myself to them.

-‘Thorneer’

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